Akash Tandoori in Leicester

Woeful. I've eaten here twice, and had one takeaway. All were disappointing, but I must describe my final experience for your amusement.

First, some background: This was always a famously bad restaurant in Leicester, but is usually open later than others, and is frequently a last resort of the inebriated. On one such occasion, I found myself in such a group, ordering Chicken Tikka, being presented with what was essentially bright orange meaty jelly, and resolving never to come near the place again.

Some time later, an 'accident' resulted in the place suffering severe fire damage, and it was closed for refurbishment. One night, in the company of a young lady, I noticed it had reopened. Although she protested strongly, I expected it to be somehow different, and the following events unfolded.

We sat down. Menus were fetched. There was a sickeningly strong smell of burnt wood. I looked around, and could see that the scorched decor had been poorly disguised with cheap cladding on some or the walls and the whole of the ceiling. One can only imagine the blackened mess hiding beneath. 'Free' popadoms and a small dish of sizzling meat came immediately, and a drinks order was taken. Then the 'flies incident' started. Out of the blue, thousands of young flies filled the air around our table, in such a density that I was reluctant to breathe. Thinking back, I can only assume they were either under the tabletop or inside the seating on my side. Waving my arms wildly, I called the waiter over. I'm not sure what I expected of him, but it certainly wasn't what he actually did! With complete disinterest, he silently pointed to another table, brought our plates (upon which several flies were perched!) and walked away! We started putting on our coats. Another, older man approached. We said we were leaving. He presented me with a bill, which listed our drinks. It also showed a quite ridiculous charge for the 'free' meats that we had not asked for. An argument broke out. Three more men came from the back. I took out my phone and said I was happy to let the police decide what to do. They kicked us out.

Do not consider eating at Akash in Leicester.